Demons and Dragons

Recently, I had a friend pass away.  She was my age, young really when you consider a full life.  Our journey's joined through our dogs and the weekends we would spend at clinics and trials.  She lived the most amazing and full life yet she battled some demons and dragons.....she was obese.  We shared that in common as well, a deep dark struggle with food, bodies, brains.

I used to think the struggle was with my body...I've spent many a year hating mine.  I watched as my friend got a lap band allowing her to loose weight like it was melting off.  We talked a lot about the surgery...I longed to have my weight leave...but I was afraid of the surgery and what might end up being long lasting ramifications from the decision to have one.  She lost over 100 pounds and then something happened, I don't remember exactly what, and the lap band had to be drained.  She gained it all back plus another 50.  We talked a lot about "that".

I started juicing three years ago and found paleo two years ago.  Those two diet changes helped me become "normal" according to the weight charts from the health industry.  I added running to my list of things I do and I love the changes running has given my body.  And yet, here I am writing, I am really struggling right now with food.  I find myself always hungry.  As the miles add up, my hunger increases and I'm frustrated beyond measure because I eat!

I think of my friend and all the other folks that really struggle with food and more realistic, the amount of food that goes into the body.  I eat pretty darn clean, problem is quantity.  As the miles increase, so does my hunger.  I wonder, "why can't this be easy?"  I know I am not alone in my struggle....I am digging deep and searching for answers.  Is there some magic herb that might decrease my appetite and give me relief?  Is this "hunger" in my head and not really physical?  If so, what does it stand for?

I am digging deep and searching for ideas on how to tame the dragons and slay the demons.  Personal growth is what I am longing for.  I know I can be hungry but I'd like to find a way to okay with food, my body, eat to live.  It is my one regret as I think of my friend....I wish with all my heart has....that we could have conquered this together.  That I could have helped her in some small way to find peace with herself and not struggle so much being tormented by food.

As I investigate, I wonder about meditation, visualization, tapping, herbs, water intake.  I will soldier on......part of me knows that instead of eating to curb the hunger, or denying the hunger, I might want to begin to experiment with the above ideas to find some ways to remove the hunger.  I'm just thankful the days are getting longer and the sun shines......I think being busy "helps" but it not the answer.  I do know there are answers out there.....

Seize the Day!