What If???

I have three lives.....one third that of a cat; my family life, my running life, and my life of sheepdogs....each brings joys and learning opportunities....each comes together in the making of me.  Recently, I've been logging a few running miles in preparation for my first ever half marathon that I will run January 18.  I love running....not so much the act of running because that comes with some baggage, but the effect running has on my brain.  If not world problems then most certainly my problems get solved or, at the least, put in perspective right around mile 3; every mile there after is productive sorting of ME.  Some days I drift into wishing I'd found running earlier in life.....who might I have become had I?  I always come back around to being grateful I have found that my two feet can carry my brain into inner depths of finding more and more of who I really am; what I am really made of.

Lately, I've been thinking about "what if's"?  "What if this were my last Christmas?" Would I spend it the way I did?  Would I say the things that came out of my mouth, had I known it was my last?  Would I have extended grace in the face of bitterness?  Would I have found compassion as disappointment showed up?  What if my first half marathon, in reality, were my last?  Would I prepare more, release expectation of pace, find blessings amongst the sore muscles and wheezy lung?  What if I let go of trying to make others happy?  The "what ifs" taking me deeper in as well as letting me go....freeing.

I look at my Snook dog, my first border collie, the one who introduced me to sheep and the ugly side of myself.  Snook is turning an old 13 this year; hind end thinning with wasting muscle.  I know my "what if's" are closer to reality with Snook.  I pinch her cheeks and remember all she has brought into my life and I discipline myself to seize the day with her.  

I've always reveled in the week between Christmas and New Year's Day; collecting slogans, motivating pictures, dreams, goals, aspirations for the year to come.  Every year, I read a few more motivational sports psychology books and am told to "visualize", "manifest", "name it/claim it", "a person's mind cannot tell the difference between that which is vividly imagined vs. what is real" or something along those lines.  I look back over my vision board and note that much of what I have put on it has come to be.  On the one hand, I'm blessed, honored, astounded.....on the other hand, a sense of superficial ME-ism rears its ugly head. I understand that working on me is what I should be working on, however self absorption might be best tempered with .....something other than that. 

I wonder: what if this year, I put on my vision board:  join in curing 90% of childhood cancer, building  a school in Africa, donate what has been collected to the betterment of others?  

A few things about me, that I know for sure:  I have always been "all or nothing".  When I want to learn something new, I delve right in...reading books, watching videos, getting in and dirty with all that is required to understand, accomplish, conquer, succeed.  I'm also pretty freaking honest which has the down side of knowing that sometimes "truth is relevant"; very cliche but every so.....true!  For 2015, I believe I am going to strive for "BALANCE".....looking for answers into the "what if's" before I act so that each day can be one of making my life extraordinary.  With balance, I know there are things I must let go of along the things I need to embrace.  

2015's vision board is coming to life, filled with one portion self improvement, a scoop of joining the cause of something bigger than me,  and a few sides of dreams, goals, and impossibilities to round me out and keep me living a life that, if it were my last days, would be so worth living.

For my half marathon, I am fundraising for the kids at St Jude Children's Hospital.....where the goal is to cure 90% of childhood cancer and no child with cancer goes untreated because of not being able to afford care.  Want to join my team?  You can donate here:  Be a St Jude Hero

Happy New Year!!!  May 2015 be filled with profound intention and dreams come true!

Seize the Day!!!!!