Back in the Saddle

I just got back from a trip to Cali.  It's time to climb back up in the saddle and ride, baby, ride...well more like run.  Derailed is now behind me...yup, yup!  I met a new trainer that I think I might love. She is tough but encouraging and she RUNS!  I'm a bit embarrassed about how weak I am; especially when I thought I was kicking ass and taking names.  But this is a new start, or maybe the next chapter.

The trip to Cali was interesting...I find that sometimes I set myself up for utter fail and that is exactly what happened.  I experienced the worst ever eating day that I have had in years mixed with days on end of not running!  I could list out all the excuses, which there are many.  In the end, it is what I chose to do.  Funny how that really crappy eating muscle memory deomn lays latent, yet it is still strong.  When the door to that demon is cracked.....it flies out, strong as it was when I slammed the door in the first place....maybe even stronger because my mind has become complacent in not having to fight it.  Sounds a lot like addiction to me.

So now, I work on my mind again.  Let go and let God...live this one meal at a time/one workout at a time.  The work outs that are for home are easy enough to get done in 30 minutes.  I'm jumping rope on non-running days...and where I used to be killer at jumping rope...I'm a toddler now.  I'm looking into some weighted ropes and have come to realize that the ropes I am using right now might not be for a 5'11" woman.....one has felt way to short but I thought it was because I can't chew gum and lift my feet at the same time.  I'm looking forward to getting a set ordered and seeing if a well fitted rope swings better!

I also signed up for another half in May.  I might regret this but the following day I signed up for Run Like a Mother....I really loved that run last year!  Not sure what it will look and feel like after running a half the day before but at the end of the day....I can always walk.  I'm also looking at being a volunteer for an ultra marathon.  There are a few within hours of here......I want to see what that might look like.  How crazy are those ultra runners?  Were any of them like me in the beginning??

The feelings I had after the half were so raw and new to me....I'd kind of like to find a huge goal that takes me years to accomplish so that I don't have to face those feelings again for a while.  Needless to say, it feels good to have the half in front of me as a goal.......it feels good to get back in the saddle and run.

Seize the Day!!!

De-railed

I wonder if I am lost....I do know where I am though; sitting here on the couch with two border collies tucked on each side of me.  Not lost then but maybe derailed.  See here is the deal: I finished/met a goal that I have been working towards for over a year.  I ran my very first half marathon at Disneyland finishing a good hour in front of the sweepers that were giving me nightmares.  Having never ever run before in my life and, after loosing a lot of weight, I worked and trained and hired trainers to accomplish this goal.  It is done.

I contemplate what is next but in the mean time I am struggling with so many thoughts and visual images from my run.  I read other people's blogs about running sub 7 minute miles....and I read the comments from runners and I feel miserable.  I'm slow, I don't look cute at all while I run, I shuffle especially when I'm tired...and these feelings lead me to asking myself...why the hell am I doing this.  And I've been eating to boot.

The reality is: I do understand there are people who are naturally gifted runners.  I can not change them into believing that somebody like me should be out on the course running.  This is life.....it's real and people can be mean and snobbish no matter the venue I'm in.  I'm doing a lot of soul work right now...why do I want to run?  What do I want to accomplish in my running?  What goal is next?

I do know I want to run faster and with better form, I want to get stronger and I must get leaner.  Increased strength and decreased weight will obviously make me faster......plus looking at form and the fact that I am not engaging my hamstrings or kicking my heels is worthy of a look too.  But more than any of that......I am looking at me and my inside.  Why do I care what I look like when I run?  Why do I care that people think I should not be out there running?? Why can't I just find my joy and be good with me?  Why do I always strive for perfection when there is no such thing as perfect??

No I am not lost, I'm in transition.....I will keep to the work knowing that it is an inside job.

Seize the day!

What's Next.

I just finished A Million Miles in a Thousand Years....a book about creating a good life story.  I might be able to call this book a life-changer......I loved it that much.  I'm back from Disneyland and finished my first half marathon well ahead of the sweepers.  I have so much going on in my mind.....the whole experience was darn near perfect and I will blog about it....when it's ready to be blogged about.  Right now, it is fermenting and aging; I wish I had an oak cask for it, maybe one that originally aged Brandy would be nice.

I sit here blogging....feeling a little, let's say "lost" for lack of a better word.  I've been working towards crossing the finish line for over a year and now I've crossed.  I was a little slower than my goal but I wonder if that might not have been the pneumonia set back of last month speaking through my lungs.  Pneumonia and the packed course through Disneyland while I lollygagged and took a few running pictures, which slowed me down a little.

I don't want to be that girl that goes from event to event, never satisfied with destinations.  On the other hand I don't want to be that girl that becomes complacent and let's life slide by unmemorable.  So "What's Next" consumes my thoughts.....I'm letting go of forcing an answer....it will come to me because what I seek is also seeking me.  Zen like? Maybe, but, truth when I allow myself to be quiet and listen....I know I will find what is next for me.

"The reward you get from a story is always less than you thought it would be, and the work is harder than you imagined. The point of a story is never the ending, remember. It's about your character getting molded in the hard work of the middle". Donald Miller - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

"My character getting molded from the hard work in the middle".....not sure exactly what it will look like but THAT is what's next for me.

Seize the Day!!!

Ready, Set, Let's Go

Today is Tuesday......then Wednesday....the Happiest Place on Earthday!  Disneyland here I come and I'm bringing the whole gang.  You better be ready!  I know I am; I've done the work, put in the miles, stretched and massaged and now.....my first evah Half Marathon awaits.  I've never associated running with fun but this weekend.....I AM HAVING FUN!!!!

Can't believe it has been a year since this baby was conceived.....DREAMS REALLY DO COME TRUE.   Now to cross the finish line strong....

See you on the other side!

Seize the Day!

What If???

I have three lives.....one third that of a cat; my family life, my running life, and my life of sheepdogs....each brings joys and learning opportunities....each comes together in the making of me.  Recently, I've been logging a few running miles in preparation for my first ever half marathon that I will run January 18.  I love running....not so much the act of running because that comes with some baggage, but the effect running has on my brain.  If not world problems then most certainly my problems get solved or, at the least, put in perspective right around mile 3; every mile there after is productive sorting of ME.  Some days I drift into wishing I'd found running earlier in life.....who might I have become had I?  I always come back around to being grateful I have found that my two feet can carry my brain into inner depths of finding more and more of who I really am; what I am really made of.

Lately, I've been thinking about "what if's"?  "What if this were my last Christmas?" Would I spend it the way I did?  Would I say the things that came out of my mouth, had I known it was my last?  Would I have extended grace in the face of bitterness?  Would I have found compassion as disappointment showed up?  What if my first half marathon, in reality, were my last?  Would I prepare more, release expectation of pace, find blessings amongst the sore muscles and wheezy lung?  What if I let go of trying to make others happy?  The "what ifs" taking me deeper in as well as letting me go....freeing.

I look at my Snook dog, my first border collie, the one who introduced me to sheep and the ugly side of myself.  Snook is turning an old 13 this year; hind end thinning with wasting muscle.  I know my "what if's" are closer to reality with Snook.  I pinch her cheeks and remember all she has brought into my life and I discipline myself to seize the day with her.  

I've always reveled in the week between Christmas and New Year's Day; collecting slogans, motivating pictures, dreams, goals, aspirations for the year to come.  Every year, I read a few more motivational sports psychology books and am told to "visualize", "manifest", "name it/claim it", "a person's mind cannot tell the difference between that which is vividly imagined vs. what is real" or something along those lines.  I look back over my vision board and note that much of what I have put on it has come to be.  On the one hand, I'm blessed, honored, astounded.....on the other hand, a sense of superficial ME-ism rears its ugly head. I understand that working on me is what I should be working on, however self absorption might be best tempered with .....something other than that. 

I wonder: what if this year, I put on my vision board:  join in curing 90% of childhood cancer, building  a school in Africa, donate what has been collected to the betterment of others?  

A few things about me, that I know for sure:  I have always been "all or nothing".  When I want to learn something new, I delve right in...reading books, watching videos, getting in and dirty with all that is required to understand, accomplish, conquer, succeed.  I'm also pretty freaking honest which has the down side of knowing that sometimes "truth is relevant"; very cliche but every so.....true!  For 2015, I believe I am going to strive for "BALANCE".....looking for answers into the "what if's" before I act so that each day can be one of making my life extraordinary.  With balance, I know there are things I must let go of along the things I need to embrace.  

2015's vision board is coming to life, filled with one portion self improvement, a scoop of joining the cause of something bigger than me,  and a few sides of dreams, goals, and impossibilities to round me out and keep me living a life that, if it were my last days, would be so worth living.

For my half marathon, I am fundraising for the kids at St Jude Children's Hospital.....where the goal is to cure 90% of childhood cancer and no child with cancer goes untreated because of not being able to afford care.  Want to join my team?  You can donate here:  Be a St Jude Hero

Happy New Year!!!  May 2015 be filled with profound intention and dreams come true!

Seize the Day!!!!!

Back on The Road!

I'm back on the road...and treadmill for that matter.  I'm tired but it is doable.  Sunday I went out to the track...safe place to run as I could quit if I needed to and not have to worry about a long trek back....and ran five miles.  Easy at first then picked up the pace....until the track honeys showed up and I baled.  It was a good start.....but man-oh-mad was I sore.  Funny how that happens.  Now I am on the treadmill...today I am doing doubles.  Three + three seeing if I can get my milage up again with daily doubles.  I'll lift again this week too.

It feels good to be back at it......I've got a few dragons that need slaying in my head.

Seize the Day!

Benched

Well, I've been benched......was it not listening to my body, attempting to push, or was it just inevitable?  Whatever the cause, I've got pneumonia and I am now officially riding the pine pony bench of a couch in efforts to get back to the miles.  I've felt so bad I can't even be frustrated!  My hubby knew something was up when I was sleeping until 7:45..which never ever happens especially because the dogs don't want to allow it.  Today, I'm feeling better, hopeful, and thinking I might give the treadmill a slow ride today....later though.

Here is what I am learning.....

1) Run Far Girl is having a kick ass give away and today's question is "What is your hardest hill?"  Well, besides that wicked long, steep hill there on Wiltsey?  I believe my hill that I work on continually is "the hill of comparison".  I go to races that see women running 7 minute miles and I think "damn, what is wrong with me?"  Total honest confession.....my goal at the last pneumonia inducing race was to NOT FINISH LAST...with a close second goal of FINISH BEFORE THE VOLUNTEERS LEAVE (or before they run out of hot buttered rum!).  Running has me looking within......finding me and not worrying about the world while I do it.  There are days where this goes great...and days I utter fail: Very hilly!

2) I don't do sick well......

3) It is what it is...cliche.....and I will be better for it.  I feel the pressure of wanting to keep my strength to finish under 13 minute miles for the half I am doing at Disney.  I wonder about what role my head will play in this.  I've been taking the benched time to participate mentally in a running form improvement program....visualizing and trying to learn good and proper form.  I believe the mental training is just as important as the real work......as I've learned through my sheepdogs.  And so I begin to delve into this idea with my running.......can I run a 10 minute mile for a half marathon as the years go by??  I'm going to give it every opportunity to be true.

My son plays college football......we talk a lot about mental management.  I've watched him mature into the player he is today...he lives this!  He, too, was benched with an injury this past August....but all his work, physical and mental has taken him to offensive player of the game.  He lives this; I can too.  Off time can make me stronger!

Here is an interview my son did.....I post it because  just darn right love it!:

Jake's post game interview with ESPN

Seize the day!